A Pooped Pope, a Found Man, and a Crappy Egotistical Podiatrist

My heart breaks to see the pontif as a puppet. He is propped up at a window, waving his arms in the air. He has advanced parkinsons, a trach, a feeding tube, is unable to speak or eat, yet he waves to the croud. We would not make a guide dog continue to service his sightless master in a shape like that, yet we allow this highly revered religious leader to be used (you read that correctly, USED) as a puppet for the roman catholic church. Shame, shame.

They found Terry Smalley. Terry was an excentric 44 year old man who disappeared this winter after renting a video at the local Family Video and stopping at Jimmie Garrant's Party Store. It is good there is closure for his family. And Terry lived his life on his terms. He went to the movie store and party store and died. Not sure how yet, but no long drawn out madness. His family suffered all this time, but he did not. There is a merciful god somewhere.

My husband's foot doctor called me tonight and was yelling at me because I upset his staff. WTF is that about? His nurse called here to make sure my husband understood his post-surgical instructions and to inform us that, oops, he is not a PPO provider and we will need to get a referal from our primary care physician or be responsible for the bill. I mentioned that I was concerned that my husband, who is immunocompromised, was not premedicated with antibiotics. Dr. Crackpot called me tonight saying that he knows what he is doing, and who am I to question his knowledge. Who am I? I am the wife of a man who could lose his foot if this physician doesn't mind his P's & Q's. I'm the one who will have to deal with the bills for the prostetics and rehabilitation if my husband needs to have his foot amputated. We didn't go through all these transplants to have DH foot amputated for lack of a day or two premedication. That's who I am. And I'm sorry if your staff got upset. I'm the one who is upset about the fact that this insurance SNAFU was missed by his office for 2 months!!! 2 Months!!! F*CK him!

Rejoicing over a death

I am sure blogs across the globe are ringing out in joy or sadness over the passing of Terri Schiavo. Rest in piece little lady. Your story could have been mine. I can relate to the fat girl story the family has released. I know that pain. But unlike Terri Schiavo, my family knows my wishes. I have always been abundantly clear on that point. DO NOT keep me alive if I have no chance of a meaningful recovery. I don't want to live in a warehouse for the next x-decades taking up oxygen and being an obligation for those that love me.

I think about my mom, gone almost 5 years now, and I feel GUILT that I don't visit her grave. Why? She is not there. It is just a small spot of real estate. She's with me more than in that park with other pine boxes in cement cases. I must say, I love the cemetary she is at. It's beautiful and natural, but it is not where she is. She is in my heart and in the heart of all that knew her. So, I don't want to feel obligated to go visit her grave, and I don't want others to visit me in a home, where I can not interact, where I am not longer me. Pull the plug/tube, whatever, just don't do that to yourselves. You won't be doing it to me. I'll be gone. Let me as a vivacious, active, obsessive compulsive, overacheiving, loving person who DOES STUFF be the me you remember.

Thank you Terri for making this conversation occur in our country. And to those of you that have not yet made you wishes clear, ON PAPER, get the form from your local hospital... they all have them... and FILL IT OUT AND GIVE IT TO PEOPLE. Your spouse/partner, parents, siblings, children, DOCTOR, LAWYER. Make sure everyone knows your wishes, or Terri's story will have been in vane.

Vacation??

This weekend was "Spring Break" and it felt like spring break. We went to the Detroit area and it was springy. We still have a foot or more of snow on all surfaces at home. It was nice to run around in shirt sleeves again. Gave us some hope.

We had to uniform shop for our son. He is starting at a new school after the break and they have a uniform policy. I am a bit ambivilant about this. Uniforms at an arts academy? Express yourself by being the same? Anyhow, we found the shirts and slacks that are required and his new adventure in school will begin soon. He is excited as are we all.

My neice is transitioning up into a preschool/daycare with older kids again. Perhaps she will be a bit less aggressive being a younger child in the group. I am kinda proud of her tenacity. She is a little thing and I think her "take no crap from anyone" attitude may be her saving grace in years to come.

It was great to see my MIL and FIL. I realize how much I miss them when I get to spend some time with them.

My damned gall bladder decided to act up on the car ride home and I had to have DH pull over to the nearest emergency room. Not a pleasant feeling. I am the one who is suppose to be healthy. I just wanted some attention. My gallbladder and I have had a talk. No more of that crap for at least a year. I'm not dealing with this now. I think we are in agreement.

When we were in the Detroit area we stayed at a motel. We usually stay with family, but I wanted to make it a vacation type thing. Well, the yahoo who made the reservation for me made it for the day before and they charged me for it. ::Grrrrr:: and the pool was closed the first day we were there for "repairs" ::Grrrrr: and when they did open it, the water was warm, but the room air surrounding it was as temperate as our guestroom and they insisted that it was 80 degrees. Bullshit! ::Grrrr:: To top it off, on Sunday they called our room to see if we needed towels because there would be no maid service. What??? On Easter Sunday? Nice to give your employees a day off, but all of them?? ::Grrrr:: Oh Yeah, and while their web site and business cards both tote free high speed internet access, that is not in all rooms. ::Grrrr:: Won't be staying there again.

I'm up to well over 600 cranes folded now. The little 4cm x 4cm ones. I'm sending them to my grandmother in hopes that she finds some forgiveness and peace in her heart. I'm also sending her the gold necklace she gave me when I graduated highschool. Perhaps it will allow her to find peace.

Boring blog, I know. But I needed to dump, and well, it's my *(%^%$&(&^T blog, right. No-one else may even read it. :-P

A Beginning

Ok, here I go.

To Blog... Web Log... An interesting concept. Perhaps it will cure my insomnia. I work Midnights 3 days a week, and struggle to sleep like the rest of the planet on the days in-between. I find myself awakening at 3am (my workday lunch time) and can't seem to get to sleep again. Why? My brain won't shut off.

One night not too long ago it was a never ending thought cycle about adoption. My husband and I have one child. One that wasn't ever suppose to be possible. We feel fortunate and blessed to have this incredible child in our lives, but always wanted another. 3am, here I am looking up pictures of special needs children available for adoption in the state. I sit at my computer and cry. I want to help them all. Then... I look at their profiles and their behavioral problems, horrible past experiences and the ever present "This child would do best in a home where s/he is the only child" and I realize I don't want those problems. My son is not the scholar I would like him to be, but he is a really great kid. Obeys his parents, has good manners and doesn't set the house on fire. I hate the fact that I look past these children with problems so quickly. One child is enough when you have the best, and perhaps one day, someone who is better equipt to help these kids will come along, but I would be doing them a dis-service. My patience is thin with the fairly angelic child I currently house.

Another morning, 3am... Terri Schiavo. I am sure, to my very core, that if this woman could possibly be aware of what is going on around her, that her heart would be breaking. If she had taken 1/2 uncomfortable hour to think about her mortality, none of this would be occuring. All it would have taken was to complete an advanced directives form. No one wants to think about some unforseen disaster, but all it takes is 1/2 hour and all these court battles and tears would not have been needed. So... I look online for the "Five Wishes" form (Legal in most stated as a "Living Will") and find a copy in Adobe format, but you can't print it. BUT... You can purchase it for $5.00. WHAT!!! I'm outraged. So here I am, 3am, planning on copying a "Five Wishes" form and sending a copy to all my family and friends so they can spend 1/2 hour of discomfort to save their family from days/weeks/months/years of battles.

Another 3am... They keep coming...