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supercallousedfragilemysticplaugedbyhalitosis

Ghandi was a great man and walked everywhere he went so the skin on his feet became very cracked and hard, and due to continual hunger strikes was fraile but maintained his amazing almost supernatural gifts of peace and understanding, but again due to his eating habbits his breath was horrible. So Ghandi was a...

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Location: Clawson, Michigan, United States

I am proud to say I am a Mother, a Daughter, a Student, an Employee, a Minister, a Healer, a Poet, a Cynic, an Activist, and many more things that change on a moment-by-moment basis. I live in constant amazement of this adventure we call life, and acknowledges that while the road may be bumpy, the ride is exciting. I graduated from the Registered Nurse program at Alpena Community College in May 2004. In August 2010 I received my BSN and the, ever the glutton for punishment I went back to school and obtained my MBA with a specialization in Healthcare Administration in May 2012. I am contemplating going on for my PhD APRN. If I decide to do that... SHOOT ME! I am a manager for a not for profit hospice agency based in Michigan, but the position allows me to work remotely so I may be traveling a lot over the next few years. I battled and defeated breast cancer and now I am living life to the fullest!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

4 new blogs after this quick service announcement

I’m not sure what the hell is wrong with me. I don’t feel like I can string two words together that make sense. I have tried writing for the last two months, and everything seems to come out like I am babbling. So, why am I not blogging? I don’t feel like I am making sense.

Could it be the weather? Some Seasonal Affective Disorder type thing? Is it my dread over going to work? Every day I have to go in to work, I literally make myself ill. Is my brain just not making the connections it use to? Does this mean I should go back to school, and stimulate myself again? I like to think that I make myself learn in the every day, but maybe not?

So much I have wanted to blog/write about, but I feel I can not do my thoughts justice by pounding them out on the keyboard. The words just don’t flow.

Deal with my poor use of the English language. Maybe I can write my way through this.

Gifts in the pages of books

I have found many gifts in the pages of a book.

Green Eggs and Ham gave me the love of reading. Being able to read by myself was such a joy. I learned to read that book by listening to it on cassette, turning the pages when the musical “tink” sounded, and putting the sound I was hearing together with the text I was reading until, after many many repetitions, I knew that “I am Sam, Sam I am” was what those words meant. Words meant something. Amazing.

I learned to be a friend by reading a book called, Balcony People. I read this book back in my original Amway days (yep, I fell for Amway not once, but twice) It’s funny, because I have re-read this book, not in an Amway sense, but as a free thinking adult, and the lesson I have always attributed to this book is not what this book is about at all. Does this really matter? What I took from it on the first run through has made me the friend I am. One that stands in the balcony of my friends and cheers them on. Knowing when to be quiet, and when to cheer louder. Again, this is not at all what this book is about, but it is what I made it about.

Another book that gave a huge gift to me is The Physician by Noah Gordon. This book gave me an acceptance of my religious beliefs. Growing up, I was a very firm Christian. Matter of fact, I couldn’t wait to turn 16 so I could get my driver’s license so I could drive myself to church on Wednesdays and Sundays. Someone challenged my blind acceptance to the faith I had so heartily swallowed as a child. I will always thank him for that. My beliefs have become very eclectic, but that Baptist upbringing still nagged at some spot in my brain that I was wrong, going to hell, blah, blah, blah. While the book The Physician is not about religion per se, the main character in this story pretends to be Jewish to get an education, and when he confesses to his best friend that he is not Jewish, his friend feels so betrayed. Upon thinking about this situation, his friend goes from feeling betrayed to fearing for his friend’s soul, to acceptance of his friend’s differing path. He sees the after life and describes his understanding of things by describing “The Here After” as an island, and there are many bridges that span from this world to the next, and everyone can get there, they just take a different bridge. I could now accept that everyone can have a different path. I can have a different path. What a gift I found in the pages of that book.

The greatest gift I have found in the pages of a book, literally were between the pages of a book. Recently my husband, son and I went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. After seeing this movie, I thought it might be fun to read the series again, so I picked up the first book. I had read it when it first came out, in the late 90’s. Now, I am a purest when it comes to book. I treat them with respect, unable to underline a text book, or mare a page. I certainly would never bend a page over as a book mark. This being so, I use all kinds of things for bookmarks. Sometimes it’s a bank receipt, and insert from a magazine, a Kleenex or a gum wrapper. I opened Harry Potter and the Sourcer’s Stone and found the bookmark I had left there, and I cried. It was a picture, just a snapshot. It was from my wedding reception, and it was a picture of my mom and me. Smiles as bright as the sun, looking so much alike, looking so much like friends. She looks good, healthy; not like in my wedding pictures (we were married in August, but did not hold our reception until November). I used this bookmark for the entire Harry Potter series, propping my Mom up so I could glance at her as I read. The greatest gift I ever got from a book was not in the words, but in between the pages, and it was a present I left for myself. A memory, a smile, a warm loving feeling from my mom.

Kitchen Remodeling

I want it over with!

We are remodeling the kitchen. AHHHHH! I am so ready for it to be done. We removed part of the wall between the kitchen and the dining room, replaced the sliding glass door and window. New wood laminate floor, new cupboards, new countertop, new dishwasher, textured the walls, new ceiling. New new new. But damn, I want it to be over. I never thought I would bitch about having to eat out all the time. I just want to cook again. It is going to be gorgeous when it is done, just getting there.

Multiples of 4

I am bit nervous. There is this 4 year thing going on. Let’s see… 16 years ago my husband got clean. Major change. 12 years ago, we got married. Major change. 8 years ago, Paul had a kidney transplant. Major Change. 4 years ago, Paul had a pancreas transplant. Major change. What’s in the cards for this year?

I’m liking our boring life. No major catastrophes. No major going ons. Life is just coasting right now, and I am ok with that.

I look at my brother-in-law and my friend who are in the mushy gushy throws of a budding relationship. They coo and giggle. I remember those stomach flipping days when a kiss could make you fly. I remember those days fondly, and smile when I know they are experiencing these butterfly moments, but I am so glad that it's not me. Don’t get me wrong, Paul can still make my heart skip with a tender kiss, but these are special moments, not the every day. I like that we are comfortable with each other. We are out of the “gotta shave my legs” days, and into the “oops, sorry I burped” days. We are comfortable with each other. I am so glad he is my friend, my lover, my husband and ultimate partner. I could not imagine walking through each day without him. But walking is ok. We don’t have to run. Does this make sense?

I just don’t want the 4 year thing. I like coasting. Can’t we just coast through 2006? Please?

Religion and a 10 year old

Edward is invited to a birthday party this weekend. It is being held at a local church. I have no problem with this, but I don’t want him to have a problem being there. We have raised a very liberal child. We have introduced him to many many religions. My hope is one day he will pick the path that sings to his soul.

His cousin asked him if he believed in God. He said he did not. Duane was aghast and told him he was going to H – E – Double Hockey Sticks. Edward replied, “How can I go to hell, when I don’t believe such a place exists?” My heart swelled. What a kid.

Now he is a self proclaimed Buddist/Driud. I’m not sure why he has labeled himself such, but hey. The issue is he is going to this party at a Christian church with children who are Christians. I don’t want him to have to defend himself, or get made fun of. We talked about respecting other’s beliefs. We asked him what he would say if someone asked if he believed in God. His response… “Which one?” ::SMIRK:: That’s my kid.

He mentions Loki, Thor, Zeus, Bumba (the vomiting god, one of his favorites). So, while not wanting him to disrespect his beliefs, I want him to be comfortable around his friends and respectful of their beliefs. It is sad that I feel they would not respect his. But I want to arm him with the tools necessary to survive in a largely Christian society. Am I wrong to encourage him to “go with the flow?” I did tell him I am not discounting his beliefs, nor do I want him to feel he needs to be ashamed of who he is, but that I also don’t want to see him hurt. Sheesh, how come they don’t go over this stuff in the parent handbook. Oh wait, that’s right, there is no parent handbook. I just hope I do ok by him. I am proud of him being unique. And he is comfortable in that uniqueness. When we call him weird (come on, what 10 year old doesn’t deserve to be called weird once and awhile) he says “Thank you” with a smile and wanders off. He considers it a compliment. What a kid!