If you can't say anything nice...

I looked back over my blog as I am want to do, and I realized that in 2009 I blogger 2 maybe 3 times total. Was this because I had no profound thoughts to dump out of my brain that entire year? NO! It is because I always try to live by the wise words of my mother. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." 2009 was a difficult year for me. The divorce was not a pleasant experience (are they ever) and I was in very dark places in my mind most of the year. I think I did a good job of hiding it, but was that really the right decision? Well, another mom-ism was "Don't cry over spilled milk" so I won't spend too much time thinking that thought.

2010 has been a very interesting year so far. I am coming into my own. I am feeling like ME and kinda enjoying that. Sure, I come second to my boy (That will never change) but otherwise, I am at the top of that totem pole. FUN! It's a nice view from up here.

In the beginning of May I had my ovaries removed. It was something I thought long and hard about and am glad that I did it. Sure, hot flashes suck, but the nightmares I have saved myself from are well worth the strange internal boiling sensation that creeps up on me like a knife wielding shadow in a B rated horror flick. The only real issue I have with my decision to have my ovaries removed is that I will no longer be able to have any children. Sure, Edward is 14, I have said for the past several years that I would rather eat arsenic dipped razor blades than go back to diapers and car seats, but when a friend has a new little one, or I run across a cute little outfit at the local super store, or a friend mentions that a baby might be nice... my uterus (which is still intact, thank you very much) cries. I cry a little bit too. I often pride myself in the fact that there isn't anything I can't do. (Again, thanks Mom... You always told me that, and I guess I still believe it) but have another child is not something I can do. :/

2010 is going to be a year of changes. Changes in my health, in my creditworthiness (Damn FICO scores), changes in my attitude and perspective. So, today, May 29, 2010 I make the following declarations...

I will continue the positive health changes I have started. I've lost 48 pounds since October, another 48 by this October...
I will save a bit more, and eat out a bit less. I am still going to splurge on travel and little things for me because, damn it, I work hard and I am worth it.
I am just that good, and I deserve the best. I will demand the respect I deserve and will only tolerate so much bull shit before I walk the other way. You have been warned.
I will see myself as a priority and that my happiness matters.
I will ask for what I want and make an informed decision when I am told that I will or will not get what I want.
I will complete projects that I have started and take pride in their completion.

Ok, well, that's a start. And again, I will try to be a more faithful blogger. But I still find that if I can't say anything nice...