Preparing to Deploy (?)

An earthquake hit and decimated Haiti. The aftershocks were as bad as most earthquakes. I am a DEMPS volunteer with the VA, and I am preparing to deploy. It is an exciting time, and a frightening time.

I loved my time in Louisiana, I felt I really made a difference for once in my life. I have always strived to help others in their time of need, and my time in Louisiana changed how I looked at the world. I returned from that 2 weeks a different woman. I needed more. I no longer felt fulfilled in my work. I had see and done things that changed my very being.

Now I am preparing to go to Haiti. Conditions there are far worse than Louisiana ever dreamed. I am not sure if I will be chosen to go, but I continue to process all my paperwork, get my VA Travel Card, Government passport and get my shots, just in case. I am afraid to go for many reasons. My life here is just starting anew and I am not sure if now is the time to change my perspective once again. I fear that when I return I will have the same shift in perspective that caused me to seek different employment back in 2005. I worry that I can not handle what I will see in Haiti. I worry about my health and safety. I worry that if I do not go, that I will not be the person I am suppose to be. So I prepare, and if I am chosen, I will go and I will be a different person, good or bad. I can not NOT go. If I am chosen it is my path. When I told Edward I was going to Louisiana and asked him how he felt about that he said "You have to go mom, it's what you do." So here I am again, doing what I do.

I have intentionally chosen not to follow the news every hour to hear what is happening in Haiti like I did for Louisiana with the hurricanes. I want to live the moment, I want to be focused here until I am called there. I feel the need to assist when my brothers and sisters on this planet need assistance the most. I am a damn good nurse and I know I can make a difference. So I leave it in the hands of the universe. Take me there if that is my path. I am yours to command. I guess this is how some people feel when they are called by "God" to do "His" work. I will go if the universe sees fit. I will jump all the hoops like I did after Katrina and Rita and if the planets are aligned, I will make a difference.