(Not) Going Away Party

I discharged a patient yesterday who will always live in my heart. He is young (57 years old) and he has cancer. Not a little cancer, a BIG cancer. It has invaded his entire abdomen so much so that he has no peristalsis (movement) in his intestinal tract. He is going home to die a not so pleasant death. He literally will die because he can not remove waste from his body. He has 10 days to live at most. His pain is under control and he has all his mental faculties... for now. He is in denial, but he is going home to do anything he can.

So, I got to thinking about what I would want to do if I was told I had 10 days to live. Sounds like a morbid way to think, but really, if you knew you only had 10 more days to do whatever it was you needed/wanted to do, how would you spend your time?

I would want all my friends to come visit. No sad faces; smiles and laughter; playing cards and music. I would want my friends to pray for me, light candles for me, touch me, hold me, speak to The Divine in whatever way they feel is appropriate. Let my Jewish, Muslin, Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, Agnostic, Atheist, Confused friends come and ask The Divine to smile on me as I transition from this plane. Reiki please. Just touch me, hold me, let me feel you near.

I would want to be tattooed. Everyone contact your favorite tattoo artist and have them come over and play on this canvas. Limited time offer, but you can put whatever you think is fitting on me while I am still here. I would like to FEEL life while I still had the chance.

I feel no need to bungee jump, sky dive or travel the world. My world is people. Bring 'em on. I would like all my musician friends to play me a song, I would like all my freaky friends to do their freaky best to entertain me. Blow fire in my bedroom, walk into my house on stilts, toss pretty balls into the air.

Oh, and food! Please remember to bring Ben and Jerry Pistachio Pistachio ice cream, lots of good dark chocolate and salt and vinegar potato chips. I want a Guinness (just one), and loads of cream soda.

Watch Bugs Bunny with me, laugh at Rabbit Season "I'm a fiddeler crab, it's fiddeler crab season, shoot me!" with me. Just BE with me. Crawl in my bed (I'll be in bed, it's the coziest place I know, gotta love 1000 count sheets and down mattress pads) and snuggle in next to me.

I look at this fictional 10 days and realize I have few regrets in my life. All the people I would want around me are in my life. There is no long lost person I would need to connect with again. I am at peace with the peeps in my life. I don't have anyplace that I need to go or anything I need to see. I am content... If I had 10 days to live, I would want it filled with my friends and family. You know who you are.

Now, as long as I am on this morbid path, once I do pass from this existence... NO FUNERAL HOME! There is no more depressing place in the world than a building built for this purpose. Donate what ya can, cremate what's left over, then have one hell of a party. Everyone get together in a park and do what we just did the last 10 days. Watch Bugs cavort with Fiddling Hillbillies "Left hand over and right foot under, both join hands and run like thunder", listen to all my incredibly talented musical friends play their favorite songs, play with fire, watch the show. Laugh and smile, hug and hold each other.

Take my ashes and give them to anyone who wants them. I'd like to still physically be with the people I love. A cool little locket or a miscellaneous "crack vial" of my earthly remains can be yours, free! Take the rest of my ashes and go, do, see. Drop little bits of me all over the planet. For crying out loud, no crying out loud! Now I know I get sad when someone I care about dies, but I want you to LAUGH and remember the Joy... remember the silly things that made up me. Sure, you can cry a bit, but please smile for me.

To be clear, I'm not planning this anytime soon, but I'm not distressed about the prospect either. While my heart is breaking for my patient I sent home to die, I am glad it provided me the opportunity to look at how I would use this precious time... it is nice to realize that I have no regrets and that I would enjoy every minute with the people I love and be content knowing my life was complete. I feel blessed.

So now I have this crazy thought... I might take 10 days off and live this... Why wait? Wanna come to my not going away party? What would your going away party be like? Please leave me a comment and let me know if you'd be there, and what you would like to have done if this were you. I am a student of people. I 'd love to know how your brain works...

Family

I have an interesting family.

Well, let me rephrase that, I have several interesting families.

I was born into the Christensen Family. Mom, Dad, brother and I for many years. Grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins occasionally fit into that "family" as well, but mostly it was the 4 of us.

The Brother got married.

Then I married into another family... The Wieske Family.

Damn, there are a lot of them!

But when I think about family, it is not just the people I am legally related to by blood or marriage. I have a HUGE family of friends who are the people I have CHOSEN to be in my life. Yep, I got to pick my family.

There is my family of friends... People I talk to every day. The ones that know, just by looking at me, that something is no quite right. The ones that can see through my "I'm great" and know that I'm not. The ones I call when I have a flat tire, a flat hair day or I am flat busted. Some I don't speak to on a daily basis, some I haven't talked to in years, but when we meet up again, it is as if it was yesterday that we were calling each other on our BS and keeping each other real.

There are my family of musical folks... This past weekend at the Nor Eastr Art and Music Festival in Mio, MI, I had the pleasure of spending tons of time with my musical family. They offer a hug, a song from their heart, and smile and a wave. A shout out from the stage, and invite to dinner. Family.

One of my friends who happens to be gay considers me more his family that his blood kin. I am the one that is there. Who says blood ties are always thicker than water.

If you're reading this and you think I might be talking about you, I probably am. Welcome to my family.