(Not) Going Away Party
I discharged a patient yesterday who will always live in my heart. He is young (57 years old) and he has cancer. Not a little cancer, a BIG cancer. It has invaded his entire abdomen so much so that he has no peristalsis (movement) in his intestinal tract. He is going home to die a not so pleasant death. He literally will die because he can not remove waste from his body. He has 10 days to live at most. His pain is under control and he has all his mental faculties... for now. He is in denial, but he is going home to do anything he can.
So, I got to thinking about what I would want to do if I was told I had 10 days to live. Sounds like a morbid way to think, but really, if you knew you only had 10 more days to do whatever it was you needed/wanted to do, how would you spend your time?
I would want all my friends to come visit. No sad faces; smiles and laughter; playing cards and music. I would want my friends to pray for me, light candles for me, touch me, hold me, speak to The Divine in whatever way they feel is appropriate. Let my Jewish, Muslin, Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, Agnostic, Atheist, Confused friends come and ask The Divine to smile on me as I transition from this plane. Reiki please. Just touch me, hold me, let me feel you near.
I would want to be tattooed. Everyone contact your favorite tattoo artist and have them come over and play on this canvas. Limited time offer, but you can put whatever you think is fitting on me while I am still here. I would like to FEEL life while I still had the chance.
I feel no need to bungee jump, sky dive or travel the world. My world is people. Bring 'em on. I would like all my musician friends to play me a song, I would like all my freaky friends to do their freaky best to entertain me. Blow fire in my bedroom, walk into my house on stilts, toss pretty balls into the air.
Oh, and food! Please remember to bring Ben and Jerry Pistachio Pistachio ice cream, lots of good dark chocolate and salt and vinegar potato chips. I want a Guinness (just one), and loads of cream soda.
Watch Bugs Bunny with me, laugh at Rabbit Season "I'm a fiddeler crab, it's fiddeler crab season, shoot me!" with me. Just BE with me. Crawl in my bed (I'll be in bed, it's the coziest place I know, gotta love 1000 count sheets and down mattress pads) and snuggle in next to me.
I look at this fictional 10 days and realize I have few regrets in my life. All the people I would want around me are in my life. There is no long lost person I would need to connect with again. I am at peace with the peeps in my life. I don't have anyplace that I need to go or anything I need to see. I am content... If I had 10 days to live, I would want it filled with my friends and family. You know who you are.
Now, as long as I am on this morbid path, once I do pass from this existence... NO FUNERAL HOME! There is no more depressing place in the world than a building built for this purpose. Donate what ya can, cremate what's left over, then have one hell of a party. Everyone get together in a park and do what we just did the last 10 days. Watch Bugs cavort with Fiddling Hillbillies "Left hand over and right foot under, both join hands and run like thunder", listen to all my incredibly talented musical friends play their favorite songs, play with fire, watch the show. Laugh and smile, hug and hold each other.
Take my ashes and give them to anyone who wants them. I'd like to still physically be with the people I love. A cool little locket or a miscellaneous "crack vial" of my earthly remains can be yours, free! Take the rest of my ashes and go, do, see. Drop little bits of me all over the planet. For crying out loud, no crying out loud! Now I know I get sad when someone I care about dies, but I want you to LAUGH and remember the Joy... remember the silly things that made up me. Sure, you can cry a bit, but please smile for me.
To be clear, I'm not planning this anytime soon, but I'm not distressed about the prospect either. While my heart is breaking for my patient I sent home to die, I am glad it provided me the opportunity to look at how I would use this precious time... it is nice to realize that I have no regrets and that I would enjoy every minute with the people I love and be content knowing my life was complete. I feel blessed.
So now I have this crazy thought... I might take 10 days off and live this... Why wait? Wanna come to my not going away party? What would your going away party be like? Please leave me a comment and let me know if you'd be there, and what you would like to have done if this were you. I am a student of people. I 'd love to know how your brain works...
So, I got to thinking about what I would want to do if I was told I had 10 days to live. Sounds like a morbid way to think, but really, if you knew you only had 10 more days to do whatever it was you needed/wanted to do, how would you spend your time?
I would want all my friends to come visit. No sad faces; smiles and laughter; playing cards and music. I would want my friends to pray for me, light candles for me, touch me, hold me, speak to The Divine in whatever way they feel is appropriate. Let my Jewish, Muslin, Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, Agnostic, Atheist, Confused friends come and ask The Divine to smile on me as I transition from this plane. Reiki please. Just touch me, hold me, let me feel you near.
I would want to be tattooed. Everyone contact your favorite tattoo artist and have them come over and play on this canvas. Limited time offer, but you can put whatever you think is fitting on me while I am still here. I would like to FEEL life while I still had the chance.
I feel no need to bungee jump, sky dive or travel the world. My world is people. Bring 'em on. I would like all my musician friends to play me a song, I would like all my freaky friends to do their freaky best to entertain me. Blow fire in my bedroom, walk into my house on stilts, toss pretty balls into the air.
Oh, and food! Please remember to bring Ben and Jerry Pistachio Pistachio ice cream, lots of good dark chocolate and salt and vinegar potato chips. I want a Guinness (just one), and loads of cream soda.
Watch Bugs Bunny with me, laugh at Rabbit Season "I'm a fiddeler crab, it's fiddeler crab season, shoot me!" with me. Just BE with me. Crawl in my bed (I'll be in bed, it's the coziest place I know, gotta love 1000 count sheets and down mattress pads) and snuggle in next to me.
I look at this fictional 10 days and realize I have few regrets in my life. All the people I would want around me are in my life. There is no long lost person I would need to connect with again. I am at peace with the peeps in my life. I don't have anyplace that I need to go or anything I need to see. I am content... If I had 10 days to live, I would want it filled with my friends and family. You know who you are.
Now, as long as I am on this morbid path, once I do pass from this existence... NO FUNERAL HOME! There is no more depressing place in the world than a building built for this purpose. Donate what ya can, cremate what's left over, then have one hell of a party. Everyone get together in a park and do what we just did the last 10 days. Watch Bugs cavort with Fiddling Hillbillies "Left hand over and right foot under, both join hands and run like thunder", listen to all my incredibly talented musical friends play their favorite songs, play with fire, watch the show. Laugh and smile, hug and hold each other.
Take my ashes and give them to anyone who wants them. I'd like to still physically be with the people I love. A cool little locket or a miscellaneous "crack vial" of my earthly remains can be yours, free! Take the rest of my ashes and go, do, see. Drop little bits of me all over the planet. For crying out loud, no crying out loud! Now I know I get sad when someone I care about dies, but I want you to LAUGH and remember the Joy... remember the silly things that made up me. Sure, you can cry a bit, but please smile for me.
To be clear, I'm not planning this anytime soon, but I'm not distressed about the prospect either. While my heart is breaking for my patient I sent home to die, I am glad it provided me the opportunity to look at how I would use this precious time... it is nice to realize that I have no regrets and that I would enjoy every minute with the people I love and be content knowing my life was complete. I feel blessed.
So now I have this crazy thought... I might take 10 days off and live this... Why wait? Wanna come to my not going away party? What would your going away party be like? Please leave me a comment and let me know if you'd be there, and what you would like to have done if this were you. I am a student of people. I 'd love to know how your brain works...
posted by Angela | 03:36
1 Comments:
Lovely, thinking about dying...
Okay, fine then. If I knew and I had the days - first, I wouldn't mind the pain, but I'd like to be able to poop. Chances are, if I'm sick, I wouldn't be eating much anyway, so certain functions wouldn't matter.
No offense to my family and friends, but I'd want to be alone. I don't want people around me making a big deal out of anything. I don't want to have to deal with other people being happy or sad that I'm dying (I think some people might be happy...).
I want my husband with me. And my dog. And if neither one of them is around, then I would want someone who I know would be able to be okay with me dying. It might actually be one of my sisters. Or one of my friends. But I only want one person there with me.
And I want to be where I can see the water. I want to be near a lake. In a cabin on the lake. If it's winter, then I want to be where I can see trees and snow. I just want to be able to sit and see the natural world.
Do we jinx ourselves by wishing...
Intead, I think maybe it will be like Soylent Green - where we all go into a room and watch a movie and die. Or worse. In a sterile hospital surrounded by strangers. No offense, Angela. I could only hope that if I were to go that way, there'd be someone like you there for me. Does my insurance cover that? "Section 32: Compassionate Care at Time of Death." Only I suppose there's a deductible that needs to be paid in advance.
Speaking of tattoos and being with your friends - weren't you supposed to call me?
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