Say it!

I am thinking back on the people that were a huge part of my life and for one reason or another are no longer in my world. Anyone that knows me is aware that I am somewhat guarded and I do not tend to let people into my heart easily, but once I do, they are allowed to take up residency and live there til the end of time. Here's to you, my friends that have left my daily life, but not my heart.

Mom - I know few women who can honestly say that their mother was their best friend. You were my confidant and my cheerleader. You listened without judgement and supported me, even when you knew I was making a mistake. We could "just be" with each other. You taught me how to be a lady, gave me the ideal role model to become a mother and always told me that there wasn't anything I couldn't do if I set my mind to it. Your unrelenting belief in me, as a person, has made me the incredibly loving, loyal and supportive human being that I am today. I honor you with every friendship I make. I hope one day to be half the woman that you were. Your strength in the face of adversity has always made me proud. I would give up 5 years of my life to have one more cup of tea with you. I remain your "Lemonade Girl".

Jeffrey - You were my colorist. In a very dark period of my life, when all the beauty had gone out of living, you brought the brilliant reds, somber blues and verdant greens back to my eyes. We were marvelous friends, but also more than friends. When we met, we just clicked. Sure, it was a strange and labored relationship with complications galore, but you were a support of my life and I of yours. I loved you, and I love your family. I miss you and I miss them. Your smile could light up a room. You view of the world was always a little askew, which was your charm. You were taken from me way too soon, but I was blessed with your light and you saved me from a black and white existence. "Hey" Jeffrey... "Hey".

Chose - Yes, it sounds strange that I would include you here. Our relationship was "professional" but you touched my heart as no other patient ever did. I was at your side through diagnosis, surgery, recovery, rehabilitation, acceptance and your passing from this plane and I was honored to be by your side in your final moments. You were a lesson in grieving. Nurses try so hard to keep that professional detachment, but you, my friend, weaseled your way into my heart. I loved getting to know you, to hear your stories, and to aid in your care. I was honored with your friendship and will always feel blessed to be a part of your days. You had a very difficult life, your last days were lonely and I hope that I was able to ease a bit of that loneliness. Thank you for the lessons you taught me and for your tender presence. You will always be my "beacon of hope".

Bob, Rory, Seth and Ben - My comrades. We did the impossible. With no rule book, no guidance other than our hearts and no experience we made a difference in the lives of so many in a short 36 hour period. You were a part of my physical world for two weeks or less, but you will live in my heart until I cease to exist. We did something good. We truly made a difference in this world. It was not something we HAD to do, it was something we chose to do and our world became so much more vibrant for the experiences we shared. So few people really get the opportunity to make such a huge impact in so many people's lives. Gentlemen, I take my hat off to you, tell you now, in front of God and everyone that I love you and I feel absolutely blessed that Mother Nature's wrath brought us together. Our paths may never physically cross again, but you all have a piece of real estate in my heart.

No one ever reads my blog, so I have no idea why I am talking to this imaginary audience. Perhaps I put this in type as I send it mentally out to the universe and hope that others will hear my plea. The relationships that you cultivate and nurture are what make you rich. Your success is measured in the lives that you touch and the lives that touch yours. Cars and houses, trips and jewelry mean nothing in the end. How you impact another's heart is what makes you wealthy. Tell the people that reside in your heart how they make you richer.

Live Your Passion

Every day when I drive home from work I pass the same guy. He stands on the side of the road in front of a cell phone store with a sign and hollars and yells at people to try to entice them to come in and sign up for HIS cell service. It use to annoy me. I felt like I was being accosted everytime I drove by him. I avoided eye contact while talking on my iPhone. I generally tried to imagine he was not there.

After a few weeks, I started to feel sorry for this guy. His job was to stand on a busy street and hollar at the top of his lungs to get people to come to the storefront where he was employed. I started to smile at him as I drove by. Yesterday when I was sitting at the light, 1 car length ahead of where he was standing I could hear what he was saying. Among the "Come on in here, it's only $40 a month" and n"no hidden fees, $40 unlimited" He also was saying things like "You got yourself a pretty car there, Mister" and "Hello, Little Lady, you've got a beautiful tiara" to the child in the grocery-getter behind me. Hmmm.

Today, heading home for lunch, I pulled up next to him and again, gave him a shy little anemic smile. And like an auctioneer rambling on while toting his wares, he threw in a "And there's my pretty lady that smiles at me every day, Bless you, Darlin". Wow!

How many compliments has he handed out over the past months? How many people saw him as an annoyance? I viewed him like I view the people that run up to your car when you are stopped by the service drive and wash your windshield without your permission and then expect you to hand them a few bucks. this guy really was trying to spread some joy in the world while trying to make an honest buck. I like him. I'm gonna name him Clyde. Is his name Clyde? I have no idea, but he will always be Clyde in my mind.

Coming back from lunch I pondered further on Clyde and his outlook on life. For me, it would be hell standing on the side of a busy street holding a sign and hollaring myself horse day after day smelling exhaust fumes and being seen as a nuisance. But he was making the best of his world. Making a smile on a face or two every day, bringing some pocket change home and doing the job he was being paid to do with 100% of all he had to give.

We should all be so lucky. We should all commit ourselves 100% to the things that we do. I have often said, "You spend 1/3 of your life at work, ya better have a job that you love, or you will be miserable 1/3 of the time." It was so hard to leave the VA, but I was spending 1/3 of my time+ being miserable. My new job has a few downfalls, but all in all I am happy with were I am, the hours I hold and the money I make and like Clyde, I can make a difference in a few people's lives every day.

I have often told my son that I don't care what he does for a living when he grows up, as long as he is happy doing it. And by and large, that is the truth. While I want him to go to college, and have a good paying job with benefits, in the end the important thing is that he enjoys what he does and he does it well. The money is nice, and not having to worry about where it's gonna come from when the rent is due does easy the stress of the rest of your life, but it isn't everything.

Clyde, keep hollaring at the cars as they rush from hither and yon, keep talking to princesses in minivans and sheepish office workers rushing to lunch. Sell a few phones and give a few smiles. Enjoy what you do and you'll never work a day in your life!